Hi! Long time no see sobs, sorry for not updating much, I'm not too busy, but you know, writing a new blog post kinda take a while for me heh. How's your week, guys? :)

Well..for me, I had a good week. Not the most perfect week but I'm grateful for everything happened this week. I always stayed a bit a longer at school nearly everyday just because..I hate being alone at home. I just..can't think straight (?) When I'm alone I tend to overthink and cry hm. I hate crying, but I don't know how to stop myself from crying. And to prevent myself from crying I usually would sleep or do my homeworks haha. By the way, I finally get enough sleep during school days! Ah it feels so amazing istg haha, I still stick to my morning routine tho, I still wake up on 4 a.m. -ish and start my works etc hehe. 

I still scold myself a lot for not being super productive hm. But I promise I'll use my free time this weekend to the fullest! I want to study hard, draw someone (bcs it's been so long sobs), write notes, and spend time with my family. May God ease everything..

I actually spend a lot of time with my laptop every morning before I start my studying session. Usually I would scroll my Twitter and Tumblr's timeline to catch up / backtrack updates that I missed. I really miss those times when I could be on Twitter for like 24/7 and have time to do those fangirling shits haha. Life is hard when you have to be at school for more than 9 hours and when you come back from school, updates from your faves are like nonstop OTL sadlifeu ;-;

I remember coming back from school last Wednesday and I was 'greeted' by this omg. I actually forgot about the GAON Award wtf AIDA FLOP EAT SHIT AIDA! I'm such a flop stan sobs sorry boys I couldn't be on Twitter all the time to catch up updates like I used to be :( 

Congrats for winning the rookie award babies <3 I'm so proud of you ;-;  

I didn't streamed the award tho bcs I was so tired on that day after school.. I watched their performance on 3 a.m. on the next day haha. It's actually really hard to catch up updates when I'm busy with school stuffs :( 

Even if I didn't watch their performance, I knew they'll never dissapoint haha. They all looked so hot on that night and for the first time Chanwoo's hair is hella fine :') Somehow I kinda missed his 'chocoball' era kekeke. I like their Dumb and Dumber performance so much bcs of the adlibs arghh >< I fangirled so hard during Chanwoo's part >< Aida being a Chanwoo trash, what's new? :P LOL

Just in case you don't know yet, I really love all of them, I can't say that I don't have any bias tho haha, but I love Yunhyeong & Chanwoo the most :) 

At school I fangirled over Chanwoo more than Yunhyeong haha and of course I feel bad about that! No one's loyal in the fandom, including me! XD 

I watched some fancams from that night, they kept 'dabbing' non stop omg I was like YAH PLEASE STOP ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMQWERTYUIOP!! OMG BOYS WHY YOU'RE SO EMBARASSING HAHA I'M UNSTANNING!!

Just kidding, of course haha. Ilysm, happy pills :')

By the way.. I really need to get my life together. Actually getting your life together is a lot harder than it seems. Have you ever laid on your bed at night and cried because you're not good enough? Counted all your flaws and felt worse about yourself. I'm so sick of feeling lonely and unwanted :(

I wasted so many hours crying :( It happens nearly everyday and it's hard to pretend that I'm okay. I'm not okay. Definitely not. Ahh sorry for talking about things like this again.. 

I just wanna satisfy myself for being hella productive, even if I have to 'torture' myself for not resting at all. I lost motivation easily nowadays argh :( When will I change.. 

I'm afraid of future, I hate when someone reminds me that I have a big exam this year. Oh God suddenly feel like I wanna sleep forever to avoid my responsibilities :( 

AH sorry for crapping too much I should just sleep now. I can't think straight anymore. Bye.